


sexy avocado toast

by euphemea



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Established Relationship, Fluff, Halloween Costumes, Humor, M/M, Modern AU, inspired by a try guys video
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 11:03:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21252338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphemea/pseuds/euphemea
Summary: Sylvain wants to dress up in a sexy couples costume for Halloween. Felix is skeptical. It goes about as well as you'd expect.





	sexy avocado toast

**Author's Note:**

> this is utter nonsense and way sappier than i thought it was going to be. happy halloween!

“Ok, ok… how about this?” 

Sylvain brandishes a package with the garish image of a man and a woman wearing a bun and hotdog. It’s not… unnecessarily revealing, thankfully, compared to a lot of the other options that Sylvain has already made him consider (the doctor and incredibly underdressed nurse pairing, the disturbing plug and outlet, _the oven and the babymaker_) but it’s still incredibly stupid. 

“No.” Felix glares at the offending item as if it might spontaneously combust if he pours enough hate into his gaze. No such luck.

Sylvain shrugs and places it back on the display, turning back to survey the couples’ costumes options again. He’d been very determined in dragging Felix along when he spotted the store after lunch. Felix had most definitely _ not _ agreed to standing around in an otherwise empty store, browsing the section for couples’ Halloween costumes, yet here he was. Chalk it up to being weak to Sylvain’s excited-puppy look and feeling less stubborn than usual because Sylvain had taken him to a weapons expo last week.

(The weapons expo had been fantastic, and Felix desperately wishes he were there again instead of this Halloween pop-up, catering to another of Sylvain’s whims as the only other person present, the bored cashier, plays Love Live on his phone with the sound turned up so high that the tinny noise can be heard across the store through the man’s AirPods.)

Sylvain being Sylvain, the moment they had stepped into the store, he had made a beeline for the section proudly proclaiming itself “Couples Costumes” and very quickly reached for the ones that boastingly claimed they were “sexy”. Felix begs to differ. There is nothing sexy about dressing up as ill-fitting parodies of food or household items or what-have-you.

Sylvain turns back to him, grinning broadly. “This one.”

There’s a different man and woman this time, the man clad in a shapeless avocado and the woman in a under-toasted piece of bread, the packaging unironicaply claiming that together they were “avocado toast”. An utterly ridiculous costume, one that Felix knows Sylvain is showing him just to annoy him. It isn’t even trying to be sexy, considering they’re both fully dressed in long-sleeves and jeans under the costumes. 

“And _why_ would I want to dress up as avocado toast? Even _you_ think it’s a stupid breakfast item, and you said as much when Ingrid laughed at you for ordering it when we went to brunch with her and Dorothea.”

Sylvain laughs, placing the packaging back in its designated space. “I don’t love it, but it’s not terrible, just overpriced. And besides, you know ’Thea loves the stuff. I only order it to annoy you and Ingrid. You’re cute when you get offended by food that isn’t meat.”

Felix huffs, only mildly offended by Sylvain’s dig at his dietary choices, his cheeks reddening slightly. “Well, I’m not dressing up as that abomination.”

Sylvain ruffles his hair slightly before slinging his arm around Felix’s shoulders. “Wasn’t expecting you to. Come on, help me pick one, don’t just stand around glaring at the wall.” He jokingly mimics Felix’s expression, glowering at the shelves in front of them. 

Felix elbows him for his troubles but doesn’t throw the arm off, expression morphing into a pained grimace. “Do we have to pick something?”

“We’re going to the biggest Halloween party in the city! We can’t just show up without costumes, Claude’ll never let me live it down.” 

Felix frowns. “I don’t care what Claude thinks. Or any of his weird friends. I don’t even _want_ to go to this party, and I’m perfectly happy just wearing normal clothes if I have to go at all.”

“Aw, come on.” Sylvain pulls back slightly to give Felix the sad, devastated pout that he _ knows _ Felix is weak to. _Damn him_. “Don’t you want to go as a couple and show off to all our friends how sweet and in love we are?” 

Sylvain leans in again to press a light kiss to Felix’s cheek, lingering slightly so that his breath tickles Felix’s ear. _Seriously, damn him_. He’s doing everything he knows that will make Felix cave to yet another hare-brained plan that’s inevitably going to lead to unfortunate photos posted across social media and a mildly concerned phone call from his father that’s also a poorly-disguised excuse to ask him to check up on Dimitri. 

Felix fights the blush forcing its way across his cheeks. “I think you just want an excuse to stare at my ass all night because the costume is too tight.” 

He gives a cursory glance to the pictures of couples posed haughtily, as though they aren’t wearing ugly spandex and polyester. “These are all just bad excuses to have the woman wear as little clothing as possible.”

Sylvain hums noncommittally. “I wouldn’t say no to you wearing a skimpy outfit so I can stare at your ass, but I can wear the girl’s costume if you want. You don’t think I could pull off a schoolgirl costume?” He poses like one of the women in the various images, hip jutting and twirling an imaginary lock of hair. He looks ridiculous, but the mental image of Sylvain in a short skirt is… not unappealing. But before Felix can get too lost on that train of thought, Sylvain grins cheekily as he relaxes. “And besides, I stare at you anyway even when you’re wearing jeans. I just think it would be nice to, you know, go as a couple?”

The last few words are sheepish and unsure. Felix gives him a questioning look. 

“We don’t need awful matching costumes to do that. Just because we’re not dressed up together doesn’t make us not a couple.” Felix breaks eye contact, choosing to stare over Sylvain’s shoulder instead. “I’ll dress up if you really want to, but I don’t need any stupid, badly-designed clothing to tell the world I love you.’

It’s Sylvain’s turn to flush. He never gets used to Felix’s confessions of affection despite his long history as a casanova, his own proclivity for loud declarations of love, and their almost two years of (finally) dating. Which, Felix supposes, is fair, considering that Felix still gets flustered constantly by his warm, open adoration, not that he would ever admit to it. 

“If we weren’t in public right now, I would absolutely kiss you.”

Felix snorts. “That’s never stopped you before. Besides,” he tosses a glance at the cashier, still heavily engrossed in his phone, “I don’t think anyone’s going to mind.” 

Sylvain blinks, wide grin creeping over his expression. He reels Felix in by the waist, leaning down to brush his lips against Felix’s as his other hand finds its way to gently cup his cheek. “I guess this is fine.” He pulls back slightly, hovering just barely a breath away, soft grin plying his lips as he stares adoringly at Felix. 

Felix feels his cheeks warm. Bastard is teasing him again. He hooks his arm around Sylvain’s neck, crashing into the other’s lips, irritated and the slightest bit turned on, spare hand tangling into Sylvain’s annoyingly attractive, tousled hair. He bites against Sylvain’s lower lip, receiving a pleased hum in return.

Sylvain’s hand creeps under his sweater and shirt, tongue sweeping into his mouth as —

A loud cough cuts across the store. They freeze, and Felix buries his face in Sylvain’s shoulder as he turns a slightly guilty look at the cashier leveling a flat stare at them. 

Felix extracts himself from the embrace, smoothing down the front of his shirt, more annoyed at the interruption than the embarrassment of having been caught making out in a shitty costume store.

He rolls his eyes at the cashier still scowling at him (_cockblocking asshole_) and stomps his way out of the store, sure Sylvain will follow. They can continue this at home.

Though, now that he’s not caught up in Sylvain’s trainwreck of a plan to dress up _together_, there’s definitely something to the idea of dressing up Sylvain in a schoolgirl costume worth considering for some point in the future.

**Author's Note:**

>   * very inspired by [this](https://youtu.be/oOzam4Ao2Ww) Try Guys video from last year where they tried on horrible couples costumes.
>   * i have seen a Halloween costume store from the outside before, but only from the outside. i have no idea how these look on the inside. do they actually have ridiculous couples costumes? i definitely don’t know.


End file.
